I was asked today what is worse, unrequited love or mutually acknowledged but unfulfilled love?
It’s an interesting question; on the one hand we have feelings that are unreturned and on the other hand is love that cannot be fulfilled.
To me the worst is unrequited love. I have been in love before with others who have not shared the same feelings or who no longer feel the same way. It’s very hard to accept that the object of your affection does not feel the same way or even that their happiness does not include you.
In some ways I think that the thing that stings the most is the lack of validation. When your love is not returned it can sometimes make you feel like your feelings are not valued or noticed.
We all want what we cannot have but unrequited love goes much deeper than this. The yearning and pining can be unbearable. I’ve been more than miserable on more than one occasion because the person I love does not feel the same way. It made me miserable because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t hot enough, wasn’t lovable enough.
On the other hand being able to express love for another and having that love returned is a wonderful feeling to me, even if I cannot be with the person I love because of distance, culture or any other reason. The validation of feelings and the sharing of a connection even over long distance is still comforting. The beauty of human relationships is that they can survive through hardship if they are nurtured.
I believe that the very act of being in love with a person who loves you too and who shares those feelings with you can be fulfilling.
This article isn’t so much a how to like previous Gay 101 posts but a sharing of how I feel based on my own past relationships, I’m sure my thoughts will change from time to time.
What do you think would be worse, unrequited love or mutually acknowledged but unfulfilled love?