Gay 101. Satisfaction not Guaranteed.


Okay I’ll say it straight up…

Lately I have been finding sex very unsatisfying. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been having a lot of fun and I have been having a lot of sex, probably too much and that could be part of the problem. The less satisfied I feel the more I seek out.

The lack of satisfaction is there whether I cum or not, it’s got nothing to do with finishing off. It’s also not because of my partners. By any standards a lot of the sex I’m having is porn star crazy, so why do I still find it unsatisfying?

I think that the answer lies within me and the reasons why I am hooking up. Right now I feel like I am missing intimacy in my life. To be honest I’d quite happily give up the sex if I could just hang out and watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. What I am missing is the intimacy and you don’t get intimacy, the really good kind, from hook ups. I guess I haven’t really been looking for anything more meaningful because I was enjoying travelling and exploring but now that I am looking back on the past year there are things that I want to be better for 2015.

If I am really honest I’d be happier jerking off, rolling over and going to bed most nights. Since returning to Melbourne a number of people have made offers to hook up. They mistake my disinterest for rejection but it’s not them I don’t want. It’s the sex I’m reluctant to have because I’m simply not going to get what I am looking for from one night stands. That doesn’t mean I think that one night stands or random fun doesn’t have it’s place in my life, I’m just aware of what it is and isn’t going to give me.

As men I think a lot of us use sex to feel closer to people. Aside from the fact that we are mostly horny bastards we use sex to get intimacy. The problem is that when we do this too early we get off and the feeling of attraction subsides hence the culture of random sex without feeling followed by disappointment.

So for this year sex is very much on my agenda and being more mindful of what effect it is having on my mental state. I’ll still be getting off but I have decided to keep it in my pants more often while I look for real connections and fewer one night stands. This year my motto from now on will be “my eyes are up here thanks”.




2 thoughts on “Gay 101. Satisfaction not Guaranteed.

  • January 5, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    True, you won’t find intimacy on a hook up or a one night stand. When I married my husband ten years ago, he was diagnosed and treated for bi-polar disorder. The drugs they gave him emasculated him and wiped away his sex drive and his (as I call it) his intimacy meter. Sex is a subject that is in the room, but neither of us bring it up. Sex is the great leveler. It either happens or it doesn’t. And that usually makes or breaks a relationship or long term commitment. I’ve found ways around intimacy, and I’ve worked to replace it with something meaningful. I stayed because I remember who he was when I met him, years before we got married. We place great store by sex, and we judge each other by how good it is, how long it is and how often it happens. We’ve seen and heard scores of young gay men complain about such issues. Intimacy is created on a longer term scale than a one night stand. One has to be willing to engage in the action to be presentable to someone as a human being who needs intimacy, not a sex crazed young man who only lives for sex when we can get it. Too many gay men live for the hunt, the sex and the screaming orgasm at the end, and they then walk away with little more than a cordial goodbye. You are not in England right now, and your term in Melbourne is how long? Is there time to cultivate intimacy with yourself and then with another? Is there someone there who could fulfill your desire for movies and cuddles, in opt for down and dirty sex? Or is this something you will seek later when you return to Europe? Intimacy like I said is a long term goal. and one we should all strive for. Sex is great, but intimacy, however long or short is the gift. It is a decision, a commitment to yourself to better that area of your life, and that will take time. Be intimate with yourself. Do nice things, alone, find the things that you like, baths, walks, reading. If you do this, the inward action will manifest in outward appearance. And in time someone might catch it coming from you and want to see what you have to offer, its all about being good to yourself, that in turn makes you good for another. Intimately … Happy New Year Shannon.

  • January 6, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    Shannon, you are again 100% correct. intimacy is in my opinion only found by the longer term relationships than the ‘One night stands’ leave those for when you just need to get off. If you find a partner that can give you that intimacy you are seeking that is great and I hope you do. In the mean time I will look at where your eyes are which happens to be on a head situated upon a great set of shoulders. They might wander but hey you can always read the cover of the book but not read the story,


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.