Every time we get on a plane we all have to go through a security check, I know this, you know this, everybody knows this. SO why are some many people so crap at it. You know the people I mean… the kind who take scissors in their hand luggage or cover themselves in random pieces of metal which they remove one tiny piece at a time.
It leaves me looking longingly at the business class line as all those frequent flyers zip through security, while I wait for Aunt Ethel to find that knitting needle buried in the bottom of her bag.
After spending more than my fair share of time getting through airport security I have a handy little check list that I run through in my head before I become “that guy” everybody groans about.
-1. Empty your pockets in to your hand luggage. You don’t need your car keys so put them in your bag.
-2. Get your laptop out while you are in the line not when you arrive at the metal detector.
-3. Wait for security to waive you through. Rushing and having to go back again wastes everybody’s time.
-4. Don’t stop to repack your laptop or devices as soon as you pick them up off the conveyer belt.
It’s like stopping at the bottom of an escalator or standing in a doorway. You are the product of 300,000 years of evolution, act like it, nearly all airport security checks have benches move over to one of those.
-5. Carry your own bags… okay funny story.
I was in Sydney Airport heading back to Melbourne and my BF at the time asked me to carry his laptop bag for him. On this particular occasion I must have looked guilty because I was stopped for a “random” swab of my bags and person. Basically a guard pokes you and your bags with a magic wand, sticks it in a machine and it tells them if you have been around explosives, drugs or silicon based lube.
So the guard pokes me and my bfs laptop bag then sticks it in the machine… RED LIGHT.
Haha the guard giggles lets try it again mate… RED LIGHT.
It’s at this point that things start to get a little bit more serious. I notice two more guards appearing in the corner of my eye and I feel my butt hole clench ( or relax I can’t remember LOL ).
‘Did you pack your bag yourself SIR?’,
‘UM it’s my BFs’, I replied, noticing that he was slowly edging his way to the other side of the hall.
I was starting to have visions of jail cells and rubber gloves.
Lets try it in a different machine SIR… GREEN LIGHT
PHEW, one more time to be sure… GREEN LIGHT
Yes, heart slowing, butt hole unclenching, panic subsiding, make plans to break up with BF.
SO please to make my life and your life little bit easier in airports please pay attention when you are going through security. We have all been waiting in line long enough without somebody breaking the system.
Happy flying everybody.