Feeling the pressure playing around with friends.

Just before Mardi Gras I noticed a pattern in my sexual encounters.

I was planning to meet up with a longtime friend in Sydney for a coffee and catch up when the conversation turned very horny very quickly. We made plans to hang out and shoot a horny video for the blog together.

But as the date drew closer I started to feel the pressure and a little bit of panic. It’s the same reaction I’ve had to a lot of planned encounters with friends or guys I know. It’s almost like a panic attack. It’s happened to me when dating too. I meet guys who I really like but when it comes to sex I panic or start to feel uncomfortable. Swap that with a random encounter however and I have no trouble getting hot and heavy.

Why is it that I feel pressure and panic with guys I know when random meaningless sex is so easy?

I’m very aware of the issues that I have surrounding intimacy and my ability to connect on a sexual level with people I care about. To be honest I’d be very happy having a non sexual relationship with a close partner but thats more about avoiding discomfort and not really sustainable in any kind of meaningful relationship.

The pressure I feel is pressure I put on myself around performance but also about making myself vulnerable again. I’ve been hurt in the past and whether by design or subconsciously I am very defensive almost to the point of having a bunker mentality when it comes to meeting new people.

I’ve had boys tell me the sex was great and they’d love to do it again and that makes me feel even worse. I think I’d rather not know at all. The result of all this is that sex has become quite unhealthy and stressful for me.

I sometimes wonder if its because sex has become too casual for me, I know that I enjoy it a lot and that I can get it whenever I want but there are things that play on my mind…

Has that made it too routine?

Has the members section made it a commodity now rather than something special?

Should I take a break from sex for a while and take the focus off getting laid all the time?

I had a friend in Sydney whose self esteem was very much attached to how much he was getting sex. When he was feeling down he’d jump on Grindr for a hook up. When he wasn’t getting attention he was depressed. I feel like thats where I am but I’m not sure how to take a more healthy attitude to sex and my sexual encounters.

Have you been feeling the same way? Share and leave a comment and tell me how you have gotten over issues of intimacy in your own relationships.

 

 

One thought on “Feeling the pressure playing around with friends.

  • April 13, 2018 at 12:48 am
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    Hi Shannon, a very good topic and just to let you know and the other readers here I have had the very same issue with the added caveat that I am 58yrs old (no spring chicken) to the point it started to effect my sexual performanceI so I went on a binge of celibacy, withdrew from having sex with strangers and close friends. I did become more depressed during the celibacy stage and thought what the hell am I doing this to myself for. So I made a self pact not to have sex with close friends even though our discussions have been very open about sex and with whom, how etc and this soon turned into a horny conversation witch started to lead to sexual encounter/s which I had to stop. The friend always said how good it was and as you said “how they would love to do it again” that there is the killer for me as I’m not attracted to this friend and I am in no way looking for a relationship (monogamous or otherwise). Having sex with friends definitely has its pros and cons. Probably more cons than pros. I hate Grindr as there are so many idiots on it and I takes forever to weed them out after about an hour of chit chat and pic swapping only to have wasted the time. So what do I do? Glad you asked! I take a break, retreat to my happy place for a while and not make myself so “available” (now I sound like a whore) but seriously I think one has to have a break or it does become more of a commodity. Your members section does not in anyway make you or your sexual activities a “commodity” you may feel that your members that follow your blog expect more and to them I say “bugger off” its your blog and if you decide to provide us with your sexual encounters then lucky for us, I certainly don’t expect it (as good as it is) I resect your blog and your privacy.

    Having said all that my suggestion to you would be take some time out try abstaining for a bit, sure flirt and do all that other stuff just try and relax a bit more and don’t overthink things. Your friends that you may or may not have had sex with should appreciate you more and I hope they don’t expect sex every time you meet them. Ive said it before and Ill say it again meeting you those many years ago for the photo shoot was the best day of my life and it was fun no sex involved at all but I am still waiting to have that coffee or other beverage with you.

    Chin up much love and peace babe XXXX

    Reply

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