So you have a Boyfriend and recently the two of you have acquired a “buddy” that you both enjoy regular play with. What happens now? Can it get weird? And what are the dangers?
A blog reader recently posed a similar question.
Adding a fuck buddy to your relationship can be something that adds spice, excitement and a little bit of adventure to your sex life. If you can find somebody that you both want to get sticky with then that is even luckier. As I see it there is no reason why you cannot add a guest star to your bedroom home movies so long as you understand the risks.
Some couples have besties that they are inseparable from, while others just have regular fuck buddies that like to play. Whatever you arrangement is there are a something you should talk about first.
If you and your boyfriend are going to enjoy threesomes then I say go for it (click here for a previous article) but adding a regular partner adds a whole other level of “what if” to the situation. For the moment I am going to assume that you have discussed why you want to add someone else to your bedroom games, have discussed what it means for your feelings towards each other, and move on to some of the things I have found help to keep it from getting weird.
Here are a few things that I suggest you both share some pillow talk about, because lets be honest… the odds are pretty high it’s going to get weird at some point.
Rules are important. When, where and how you will allow it to happen is important. Remember you are a couple, and you should make sure that there are some things that you keep special just for yourselves. How those things take shape is up to you. Will you agree not to do it in your own bed? Will you agree no sleep overs? Will you have a no kissing rule? and any thing else you might think of. Rules let you, your partner and your friend know what the boundaries are and what you all will and will not accept. The next most important thing is to stick to them.
Make sure your Fuck buddy knows what the rules are.
No matter how long you have known your fuck buddy it’s very important to make sure he knows the rules. Don’t leave him feeling awkward laying naked in your bed while you and your boyfriend argue over the “not in our bed” rule. If your fuck buddy knows the boundaries then there is less chance he will mistakenly cause trouble. It’s also important for him to be under the clear understanding that your relationship will come first.
No I’m not referring to genital warts. I am talking about jealousy. Assuming you and your partner have already discussed why you feel the need to sleep with other people you should now make sure that you reassure your partner that your relationship and he will come first. You also should be aware of any signs that your fuck buddy is starting to feel more than just a tent in his shorts. If feelings start to change then it’s time to stop and look carefully at the situation.
No matter how long you have known your fuck buddy remember that you are also sleeping with everyone he is sleeping with too. Play safe and look after each other. Barebacking might be okay in your relationship but think very carefully about allowing it with others, PREP has helped to reduce the chance of HIV infection but it does not protect against other STD’s. Protect yourself, educate yourself and look after your partners.
So there you have a few suggestions. It is by no means a complete list and you will probably find that feeling your way through the situation can be as dangerous as wearing a jockstrap on a water slide. Keep the lines of communication open and respect each other.
Have you had a threesome that went wrong or got awkward? I’d love to hear your experiences. Leave a comment below.