Why fake profiles won’t help you.

tumblr_md96wpobct1r6jwgyo1_r1_1280We have all encountered fake profiles. The online dating world is full of creepers collecting pictures, fake gym boys and profiles that just want endless chat.

But what about the other side of the coin? What about the guys creating them.

For many closeted guys online dating offers a safe place to begin meeting guys like themselves, but if you are thinking about creating a fake profile then there are a few things you should consider first.

Creating a fake profile might allow you to anonymously step out of the closet in to the dating world but those connections aren’t going to be genuine or have any kind of future. Discovering yourself is a long and sometimes difficult process. Adding another layer of disguise over the top and having to maintain a fake persona is only going to add to your stress, believe me I have done it.

In the beginning a fake profile might feel like a safe way to meet people but in the end if you really want to make friends you are going to have to get real.

The problem is that when you do end up chatting to somebody interesting or with whom you have a connection, and want to develop it further you have to maintain the fake persona. Ultimately this leads to lies and feeling even worse. Actually meeting this person is not an option because you are not the person they will be expecting to meet, and the friendship you have begun to nurture will fail.

579640_267669500035556_1247548283_nI have to admit there have been quite a few times when I have arranged to meet somebody and they have turned out to not be who they presented themselves to be. We all do it. We all sell a glossy version of ourselves but when I opened the door expecting an 18yo blonde surfer boy and was presented with a middle aged man there is not much to say other than WTF.

Friendships are built on mutual experience, trust and respect. If you present yourself as something you’re not then right from the very beginning you are dooming your connection to failure.

Some of us use fake profiles to avoid being hurt but in the end it’s not going to work, because the people you meet won’t stick around or you won’t be able to build on the relationship.

We all crave connection and friendship and meeting people is hard enough for those of us who lack confidence, but using a fake profile isn’t the way to make real connections. For so many of us complaining about not meeting any real people, we need to get real ourselves. The best friends and the greatest loves in our lives are the ones with whom we share who we really are.