Gay 101. How to stop self medicating with men.

A friend of mine pointed out an article to me the other day and I thought it would make a great topic for a blog post. I have written about rebounding and searching for intimacy before but how do we break the cycle of self medicating ourselves with men?

We all do it. In the past I have referred to it as fucking the pain away. The desire to escape and to feel better is a very human one. When are feeling down and our self esteem is low after a personal disaster or a break up, we go out and commit to a string of hook ups in an effort to cover up the pain and feel good about ourselves. I know, I have been there myself.

It starts with the high.

We meet him, make eye contact or flirt with him on Grindr. He makes us feel sexy and wanted. We enjoy the thrill of the chase and the feeling that we are desirable again. He shows us attention and for a while makes us feel important. You are giddy like a school girl, you have butterflies in your stomach and a hardon in your pants.

The high feels so good in fact that each hit needs to be even greater in order to feel that same joy again. You start to become needy, you need your fix. You become dependent on him to feel good. You know it’s bad but you can’t stop.

Then comes the hangover.

And of course, inevitably the come down sets in. You cum. He doesn’t return your calls. He meets somebody else. You’re both bottoms. He is a Glee fan or doesn’t brush his teeth. The high has worn off and instead you are left  staring at the roof with that sense of emptiness or wondering to yourself “is this all there is?”.

So how do we break the cycle of meaningless encounters?

Enter the Ego. Your ego is the little man inside you ( no not the one in your pants sheesh, focus ) that tells you that you are not good enough. It tells you that you don’t have anything to offer, that you are not enough. Ego is the voice of self doubt, emptiness and fear. When we live governed by our ego we feel these fears throughout our day to day lives and sense all the time that we are somehow incomplete. To compensate for this we reach for things like food, drugs, and possibly most of all men.

 There are very few of us who do not live in our egos. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

When we live in our egos we look outside of ourselves for things to make us feel better on the inside. One of these things is men and we use men to make us feel better about ourselves. When they are around we feel good and when they are gone the comedown kicks in.

So how do we beat the cycle?

You will be pleased to know that there is a way out of this cycle. When you realize that happiness will come from within you and not from things. Recognizing that you are using men to feel better about yourself is half the battle, cultivating happiness within yourself is the other.

Within each of us there is a place where we know we are enough. It may not be easy to find but it is there. We may not have cultivated it very much but it is there. It is the place where we know we are bound for greatness, it is the place where we know we want to make a difference. It is the place within you that is saying life could be amazing.

Now nurture that place and live joyfully. Tell yourself each day that you deserve something amazing, that you are worthy and that your happiness is not dependent on others.

If you nurture your own happiness and joy within, then you will always know deep inside that you are enough and just wonderful you really are.