When making friends, is it better to be the hot guy or the nice guy?

I have heard it said many times, “oh it’s easier for you to make friends when your cute”, and  “If I looked like you I’d have confidence too”.

But just how true is it? Certainly looks play a factor. It would be pretty naive to think that certain people don’t hang around just because they think a person is hot. How many of your Facebook friends are there just because you think they are “cute”? We all like to be around attractive people. I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion but in the context of making friends just how important are looks?

We have all met them. Beautiful people that we have found utterly obnoxious.

Do we stick around? Do we continue to call them friends?

Sure our initial attraction to them was perhaps based on our desire to get sticky but when all is said and done what really keeps us around is our connection to people. It’s a rare person who will call somebody they don’t genuinely like a friend just because they are cute. You would be a very superficial person indeed. There is no doubt that the people we find attractive will catch our initial interest but if conversation does not flow, if laughter does not follow, if empathy is not apparent many of us will walk away.

Looks fade both with age and with attitude. Unless the “hot guy “has the personality to match then they will have just as much trouble making genuine friends as anybody else. Remember boys, like attracts like. Great people, loving people, generous people will attract those kinds of people too them as they gravitate toward others with similar beliefs and experiences.


Don’t confuse popularity with friendship.

So you may feel less attractive, you may lack confidence, you may feel that you have very little to offer. None of these things are true. Attraction is subjective, confidence can be attained, and what you have to offer is more than just the way you look. The real friendships, the truly genuine ones will based far more on who you are than if you have perfect cheekbones. There is a difference between being surrounded by people and being surrounded by friends.

What is “hot” or “cute” anyway?

What is “hot” or “cute” other than our own subjective opinion on how people should look? What is hot or cute to one person is not always hot or cute to another. Sure we get bombarded everyday by the conventional ideas of beauty, but the reality is that everybody finds different things to be attracted too.

Be nice and you will come out on top ( or bottom if you prefer ) every time.

Good people make good friends. I have said it before and I will say it again. Look for the best in others and you will bring out the best in yourself. You might feel shy, you might lack confidence, but in the end if you are nice then people will be attracted to you because they enjoy your company and not just because of the way you look. Believe me they are the best kind of friends to have.

Finally realise that you are the only one who can make your friends.

There comes a point where the positive encouragement and the fluffy writing ends, where we must all take responsibility for getting the things we want out of life. It may sound harsh but making friends is something that you cannot approach passively. Being a wall flower, convincing yourself you are not worthy and blaming what you think are your flaws for your lot in life are things that only you can change. Take charge of who you want to be and of the things you want from life. It’s not easy but it’s your choice. I say life is too short to wallow.

You have the power within yourself to create something amazing. Choose awesomeness I say.