His abs were scorching and then I realized the pic he sent me was actually a picture of Ryan Sheckler.
Ok I have a confession to make, yes I have Grindr on my phone.
I am a bit of a sceptic when it comes to online dating. Lets face it, they are hook-up sites.
It seems that Love and Sex have not only been commercialized, they have also been translated into short hand.
I won’t lie. I have met some ridiculously hot boys on Grindr but mostly I get abuse for being fake or for being rude. Occasionally I meet blog readers.
It seems that while most of us search through the endless profiles looking for that special someone, we are engaging in a world where the norms of social interaction are turned completely on their head.
You get punished for being polite and you get punished for being rude.
I once was messaged by two guys looking for a third. I was keen but was stuck on the other side of the city without transport. I told them that we would have to schedule for another night. What followed was a torrent of abuse and accusations of being fake. Five minutes later the other half of the two messaged me again trying to convince me to make the trip. When I responded “no thanks, not after being abused” I was bombarded again with swearing and name calling.
I am sure that if I had met these guys in a club and turned them down, no such incident would have happened. People online hide behind their screens.
I try to respond to as many messages as I can. I have to admit that I don’t respond to profiles that have no picture or no profile information. Often a casual “thank you” in response to a compliment or a quick “I am good thanks, how are you?” leads to an immediate assumption of interest. When that interest is not reciprocated the conversation usually ends with “oh well I guess you are not interested then” as though the conversation guaranteed the horizontal mambo.
I also have a bad habit of falling asleep with Grindr still logged on and I wake up with numerous “blocked” messages, assuming that people think I am ignoring them.
Many of my friends advocate simply blocking anyone that they are not interested in without any response. Is this being cruel to be kind? I’ll be honest, I have in my past done this but I really don’t like this approach.
So how do we negotiate these sites and still maintain some kind of social conscience? Can you be a nice Guy and still survive online dating?
The simple fact is that you cannot control how others feel. You can only be as civil and as polite as you can be. The problem with online hook ups and messages is that there is no intonation of voice, no deep stares in to the others eyes and no body language to read. All the ways you would signal interest or disinterest in person are eliminated.
Being a nice guy might get you some flack but indiscriminately blocking people is not the answer.
So I will continue to try to be a nice guy and try to avoid the block button as much as possible. If you do see me online feel free to say hello and please don’t abuse me if I say no thank you.