>Life is what happens when your making other plans…

>Well I am sitting here again watching “Love Actually”. Its my feel good movie. Whenever I feel like crap I watch it and it cheers me up.

This week has been an emotional roller coaster and I feel exhausted. With the exception of a few shining moments this week has been awful!

I finally felt like I was moving on from my relationship until last Friday when I made the mistake of spending the night with Josh after a late night “I miss you” text that I received from him. I was elated, on cloud 9 only to find that once again the next day that I had been dropped like a sack of bricks. Talk about going from high to low. It’s a hard thing when you realise that your ex is moving on especially when they make you feel as though things could be alright after all. Its harder still when you think against all common sense that they are doing it with someone more beautiful and more successful than you. Imagination is a bitch!

In my head I know this is all crazy but my heart is just so strong at the moment. It would be easier if I could get angry but that’s just not who I am, so although I know better I still am struggling with my emotions.

So I think that baby steps are the way to go right now. Yesterday I deleted the last of his pictures from my phone and took down all our photo’s in my room. I still have his number and facebook to go but I can’t quite bring myself to deleting those yet… Like I said, baby steps.

How do you move on from someone who has such a complete hold on you. Tomorrow I am going to Melbourne for the day. I gave up a lot in 2008 to be with Josh in Sydney and I have decided that 2009 is going to be MY year. So I’m going where I want and doing what I want. Ill see who I want and give all those things a go that I was too scared to try in Melbourne starting with a dream I have had for a long time of joining a surf life saving club. Moving on is about taking control and that’s what I’m going to do… I’m taking back control of my life by getting out there and doing what I want!

I desperately miss my boys so I’m going 1000kms back to Melbourne for the day tomorrow to spend it with them. I need their support right now and I need to catch my breath outside of Sydney.

I have met SO many wonderful people in Sydney but until I move on from this I wont be able to build the relationships I need. I feel too damaged. Some of my mates up here have said I need to harden my heart, to not let anyone in! I just can’t do that. That’s not being open to the possibility.

So its back to square one again but each time I learn a little more and get a little stronger.

7 thoughts on “>Life is what happens when your making other plans…

  • January 17, 2009 at 4:42 pm
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    >You’ll be alright, Shannon. Sorry you didn’t find the right one this time, but seeing how cute and bright and what a great personality you have, the right one will come along.
    Luv U and wish you all the best.
    John

    Reply
  • January 17, 2009 at 5:30 pm
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    >You’ll find someone who is right for you, your taking good steps to move on from your recent breakup, and anyone who has left you is clearly an idiot…

    Reply
  • January 17, 2009 at 9:14 pm
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    >Your world-wide support group is with you every inch of the way, Shannon. I sense its a real tough time but you’ll make it. I hope that the pleasure you give us feeds back on you as the year moves ahead. Take care now.

    Reply
  • January 17, 2009 at 10:07 pm
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    >Oh, dear… Yes, baby steps. You once took baby steps and just look at you now! A hunk!

    Shannon, my sweet little possum, the pain and disappointment you’re feeling now is all part of the training program. And no, no, no… you’re not back to square one. Not at all! You’re learning valuable lessons – even you admit to that.

    And don’t blame imagination. Blame negative thoughts. We all get those. The trick is to recognize them as enemies and piss them off before they take root. It’s also called paranoia… nasty thing, that.

    And don’t blame Josh for tricking you into spending a night with him. You need to deal with YOU, not him. As you said, 2009 will be your year.

    There’s a silver lining to all this, ya know. Yes, once you learn all of life’s tricks, you’ll be so old and grumpy no one will want you. Hahahaha!

    As we say in Oz, no worries mate, she’ll be sweet.

    Reply
  • January 17, 2009 at 10:58 pm
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    >How do you get over someone who has such a tight hold on your heart? Slowly and, sometime, painfully. But you can do it.

    It seems that you’re doing the right thing – get back to some people that you can trust absolutely and into familiar surroundings. It’s a shame you can only go for one day – longer would be better.

    Hope you feel a little better for your trip.

    Alastair

    Reply
  • January 18, 2009 at 10:33 am
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    >Some one should break both arms and leg for Josh and shove his mobilephone where the sun don’t shine so he can’t hurt you any more.This guy is a spineless creep and you are better off without him. To trick you into his bed with his sob story only to dump you again in the morning is not on. I feel very sorry for you, but you are made of strong stuff , so you will soon bounce back and be a wiser young men. Things can only get better for you.LOL JOHN.

    Reply
  • January 18, 2009 at 3:58 pm
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    >the subject is one Im not really qualified to comment, but your direction seems the right way. the choices are yours, and you seem to have already started to choose what feels right.

    what’s important now is the future; the past is behind.

    Reply

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