Well I flew into Melbourne about 2 hours ago. Ive spent a little bit of time balling my eyes out in front of a very awkward bestie and now I am feeling much better. Feels like I made the right choice in coming down. Today is Carnival day and I am look forward to hanging out in the sun with my friends.
It was such an act of impulse coming down here in the first place but sometimes the decisions you make based on instinct are the best.
I knew what I needed and I did it. Doesn’t always happen I admit but I am only human. Yesterday I was in Manly with a good friend and we got back to doing some photos. What better way to feel desirable again. I also got to do some more surf shots and even made a contact that may prove really useful in the future. It was nice to have my mind to myself again even if only for a little while.
I need to keep busy. It’s when I am sitting at home with nothing to do that my mind starts going over and over the events of the last few weeks.
Mum told me to unpack my feelings and Its good advice if only it didn’t make the hurt comeback.
I feel so much like what happened was my fault. I keep thinking about what I should have done differently and that is not helping.
So I am going to spend the day with my friends, I’m going to enjoy the sunshine and I’m going to do my best to distract myself for the day. Baby steps… one day at a time…
I know its all about me at the moment but I want to say thank you for all your emails of support. they mean a lot to me and have made me feel much better. When I’m not being so self absorbed I’ll put together a more worthy reply to them