Queer 101. Underwear parties are not a free pass to be a Dick!

Keep your fucking fingers to yourselves…

Last week I went to an underwear party. It’s been a while since I’ve been out in Melbourne and I was looking forward to enjoying some beers and some dicks with my friends.

I have written about Party etiquette before but its a subject that keeps coming up. How we conduct ourselves around others at parties shouldn’t be something that I need to keep revisiting but here it is.

Underwear parties are sexually charged environments, possibly more so than other parties and that can mean we are placing ourselves in harms way when it comes to unwanted attention. It’s your responsibility to make sure you conduct yourself in a way that is respectful and appropriate.

Walking up to some one in a darkroom and sticking your fingers in their ass without consent is assault.

Sticking your fingers in their ass with consent and then refusing to stop when asked is assault.

Slapping someone in a darkroom because they said no is assault.

Consent ten minutes ago or an hour ago does not mean a person cannot change their mind.

I have experienced all of these things personally.

Darkrooms are sexual playgrounds and what qualifies as consent is something that is not easy to define but being present in a Darkroom does not automatically imply that a persons body is open to all and you should never assume such. If somebody indicates that they don’t want your attention that doesn’t mean try again or ignore them. If I have to forcefully pull your fingers out of my ass for a second time you are being a fucking dickhead.

If I seem angry about this it is because I am and it’s because I am tired of men in sexual situations who will not take no for an answer. I accept that when I am in a darkroom people are going to try and have a go. Adult playgrounds require adult attitudes and have adult consequences, but I am tired of having to aggressively assert myself over people who will not respect the word no or continue to pursue me after I have pushed them away.

We don’t accept that the way a Woman is dressed is an excuse to rape them because we know that such behaviour is despicable and that responsibility for our actions always begins with our own conduct. How I dress at an Underwear party is not an excuse for you to behave like a pig.

Have you experienced something similar? Leave a comment below and tell us how you would deal with a similar situation.