Gay 101. How to be a better Top.

No matter how awesome we think we are in bed, most of us could always afford to add some new tricks to our bag.

I have met guys who were amazing and guys who were just plain awful. The differences between them were not as great as you might think.

As mostly bottom I’ve had my fair share of great and rotten sex and there are a few things I have learnt that might help you when you are getting busy.

Contrary to popular opinion I find it is your brain and not a rock hard dick that is your best tool for being an awesome Top.

To be a better Top there are a few things that I think you should know first.

Anal sex can hurt. I sometimes think that the best Tops are guys who also Bottom because knowing how it feels and how painful it can be. The biggest problem most Tops have is that they don’t pay attention to their partner. They start the joust at full gallop. If you are going to Top remember that if you injure your partner before you even get started nobody is going to have a good time. I have on more than one occasion been with a Top who has shoved it in hard and hurt me so badly that I have had to stop and tell them to go home. There’s only one way to describe a Top who does that… Selfish Twat.

3 things will help you get started.

Fingers and tongues.

They go everywhere with you and are a great way to get your Bottom going. Gently rubbing with the pads of your fingers or licking around the anus (called rimming ) feels awesome and you will notice when they relax and the tension eases. It’s at this point that you can be a little more forceful butt.. don’t just shove it in up to the knuckles and remember fingernails hurt. Sucking and biting is incredibly uncomfortable and huge no no for me too.

LUBE LUBE LUBE. I mean seriously guys. What are you thinking!

Silicon, water based, spit… it doesn’t matter. USE IT.

Take it easy at the start.

The worst thing you can do is just jam it in unless your Bottom is experienced and even then not always. I find the best way to start is is to slowly slide it in (with plenty of lube ). Don’t get creative yet. Just watch and listen to their reaction. It gives them time to relax. It’s at this point that I have learned it’s better to grind rather than fuck. It’s the “in and out” that can be painful in the beginning but grinding slow is hot, passionate and a great way to start.

As the heat increases your instincts should take over. I don’t really need to explain what to do next but here are a couple of things to avoid in general.

Pulling out completely and punching back in looks great in porn but for a btm it  can feel more like getting stabbed than pleasurable. Try to avoid it unless your bottom indicates that it’s okay.

Jack hammering away like a rabbit in order to reach the finish line as soon as possible is bad form. Vary the speed and tempo, tease and build. Thats the way to do it.

Don’t blow and go. Don’t be selfish. I’ve met plenty of Tops who are only interested in getting themselves off.. Make sure your partner gets off too. If you’re good you can time it so you get off together.

Once things get going here are a few more tips that I have found make a big difference for me.

Mix up your positions.

Remember if your Bottom is going off then your going to have a much better time too. Move around, see what works and what makes it fun for both of you. Don’t be a star fish.

Don’t be afraid to make some noise.

Grunting, groaning, calling out his name and a little dirty talk are all great ways of letting him know you like something. Letting him know you like it, has the added bonus of encouraging him to do it more.


Get handy.

The beast with two backs also has 2 mouths, four nipples, four arms and four legs. Not to mention any number of “spots”. Use them. biting and moaning in his ear as you thrust, licking his neck and gently pulling his hair as you hammer him in to the mattress and jerking him off as you fuck are a few suggestions.

Watch your size.

For those of you who are bigger than average, going balls deep might not be the most comfortable act for your partner. Use common sense. I’ve had Tops who were a good 10″ make my toes curl and others who just made me want to climb off them and go home. Don’t be a selfish douche.

Play safe.

Some Tops I have met have had the crazy idea that it’s the bottoms job to bring a condom. Everybody is responsible for safe sex. A rubber and a lube sachet in your back pocket is your best friend. If you’re going to play bareback make sure you discuss your status first, PREP offers protection against HIV but it doesn’t protect against other STD’s. Be responsible and respectful of your partner.

Sex is messy, sticky and there are no real hard and fast rules but if you want to up your game the easiest way to do it is to pay attention to what works and doesn’t work for your partner. Increasing their enjoyment will increase yours as well.

Happy fucking.

X

Got any tips of your own? Leave a comment below and tell us.