The last eight months have been a bit of a wash when it’s come to my writing and I’ve been thinking about the reasons why. I’ve been reposting a lot of content and thats made it easy in some ways but in other way it’s become too much of a crotch and I have stopped writing my own posts all together. There is no doubt the blog is suffering. I’ve been too focussed on just keeping the thing running and on posts for the Members section that everything else has suffered.
It’s made a really noticeable difference to the decline in comments and interaction between me and my readers. The blog has lost something… it’s lost it’s soul.
The lack of new and original writing has is very much connected to my own struggle with what has been going on in my life over the last year and how I see myself in the world. How can I give advice when I see my own life as a mess? What right do I have to tell people about how awesome life is when I am struggling with my own problems. I feel like I’ve lost the moral authority to commentate on whats happening around me because of my own messy existence.
The identity crisis I have been suffering has very much played out on the blog and if people are left feeling confused about what is going on here it’s because my own life right now feels like chaos. Even the layout of the blog right now seems like too much, the chaos in my head is reflected in the chaos on the screen. Its a riot of colour, a headache with lots of eye candy and not much sustenance.
There are days when I sit down to write but it feels forced. I have draft upon draft sitting in my work tray that haven’t been touched in months. They are all about things that are important to me but which I haven’t completed because I feel a little bit like a fraud or because I’m not quite ready to be honest enough with myself about them to write authentically.