Reader question. What scared you the most about coming out?
When I came out of the closet and told my parents I was Gay the thing that scared me the most was not knowing how they would react. I honestly didn’t know if they would be angry or not. My parents and I had always had a pretty good relationship up to that point but even though they had mostly been supportive of me as a son I wasn’t sure how they would feel about me being Gay.
Mostly my fear about how they would react came from feeling that I had been lying to them about who I was. It was having to reveal my double life and the sneaking around without them knowing to Gay clubs and hanging out with Gay guys that made me feel like I had been dishonest with them.
I was also nervous about telling my friends. Quite a lot of my male friends were very homophobic at the time and I didn’t really have many Gay friends to support me. Mostly I have moved on from that circle, a few stuck around and I have more respect for them as a result. Being afraid of peoples reactions is a legitimate fear and if you feel this way yourself that’s okay.
As it turned out they didn’t react badly at all. I told my Mum first and she said “I know”. I suspect she had found my porn stash long before I told her. When I asked her why she didn’t say anything she just told me that she was waiting for me to tell her in my own time.
After that we told my Dad together. It was nice to have a little support when I told him and his reaction was to ask if I was sure? I told him yes and he said as long as I’m happy then he’s happy.
For my parents my coming out was almost a non issue. It took my Dad about 6 months to get used to it but he was always supportive. Coming out to them actually improved my relationship with my parents because I was happier at home and able to be open about who I was, I didn’t feel like I was sneaking around anymore.
Since then I have never regretted coming out.