I’m saying no to SEX and it feels really good.


I haven’t had sex in almost two months and I’m feeling really good about it.

For the moment at least I am keeping it in my pants and it’s made a huge difference to how I feel about myself and how I feel about sex.

If you act like a fuckboy then people will treat you like a fuckboy and that’s exactly what I have been doing. How people treat you is a reflection of how you treat yourself and I will admit that when it comes to sex I have been ruining myself. It’s hard to get respect when you show none to yourself.

I deserve better, I should treat myself better.

Getting rid of Grindr and stepping out of the pickup culture isn’t easy but it wasn’t until I felt the crazy taking over my life that I really began to realise the damage I was doing to my body and to my soul. Random hookups, darkrooms, sex parties and attaching my self-esteem to how many fucks I got were making me miserable. Sex always left me unsatisfied and only pushed me to act wilder and wilder in search of satisfaction.

I have always had an open approach to sex. I am not a monogamous person and I am open to experimentation. Sex is natural and my view of it has always been that it should be enjoyed freely, but as with all things in life sex in moderation is important.

In my search for satisfaction the problem wasn’t that I needed more sex, it was that I was getting too much sex. It wasn’t satisfying because it wasn’t special.

Taking away the hookup pressure has had some unsurprising effects on my life. My relationships and friendships with the people I meet have become much more rewarding because I am actually taking¬†the time to get to know them, while going slow forces them to take the time to get to know me. When you get to know a person the lust may dissipate but you may just end up with a friend instead. That’s what I really need right now in London, less fucks and more friends.

I got sick of getting messages for hookups from guys who never thought twice about me for anything else and who were clearly just doing the rounds. I allowed myself to be treated that way to begin with and thats why they thought it was okay. The no sex rule also quickly sorts out the boys who want a genuine connection from the boys who just want to cum on my face.

Without the pressure to hook up I’m enjoying going out more and just being with my friends. The emotional bashing I used to give myself whenever I went home alone has all but disappeared.

Yeah I still get toey and feel like boneing something but I have been sorting myself out for years so there is no reason to stop now. On the plus side I’ll need to find other outlets for my angst which means my exhibitionist side will probably get a super charge! I’m sure I’ll be back in the saddle eventually but right now I’m in no hurry to have sex again.

This boy is out of bounds until further notice.





3 thoughts on “I’m saying no to SEX and it feels really good.

  • December 13, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    A while back you wrote a post in which you said something like, “Gay men are promiscuous.” I felt like replying but didn’t get around to it. It seems I didn’t need to, because you’ve figured it out for yourself: gay guys don’t have to be promiscuous and meaningless sex can be unsatisfying; genuine personal relationships are what we really want. Congrats on being so insightful and acting on your insights. You really are a remarkable man.

  • December 14, 2015 at 4:21 am

    Shannon a good step in the right direction, having hookups doesn’t equate to having good friends. Good friends are those that you can enjoy their company without the emotional baggage. If sex happens with a friend then all the better but one night stands yeah pretty much over it. I’ve always loved your exhibitionist side and always will, its the thrill of seeing but not touching i guess then there’s the wishing lol. Enjoy your “time out” and get back into the saddle as you say when you want to. I bet though its going to be a big one wen it does happen.
    Peace and Love to you babe. XXX

  • December 15, 2015 at 2:39 am

    Don’t worry, kid. Keep wearing that Pound Cake crop top and chastity soon will cede to concupiscence.


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