On this #throwbackthursday I ask myself, Could the blonde come back?
I was discussing with him the fact that I used to blonde my hair to cover up my Asian heritage because of the “No Asians” mentality that I had experienced in the Gay Community back home. I commented to him that I thought things might be different here but that I had largely experienced exactly the same thing. I had come here and expected the guys to be a little more tolerant and a little more worldly because of the diversity and the cultural heritage of Europe, but I have discovered that while the foreigners I have met here are quite open minded, the local boys are not.
I’ve talked before about racism in the Gay community and gotten a mixed response. This post isn’t about racism, this post is about my reaction to it and what my friend pointed out was me changing my behaviour as a result.
The truth is that I really like being a blonde and setting the reasons for that aside, should I stop doing something that makes me happy? Should I resist something that “suits me”, just because I’m trying to make a point, which to be nobody else is really thinking about?
Am I setting aside the blonde because I think I should grow up, when really it’s not what I want to do at all?
Am I setting aside the blonde because I’m being myself or is being myself being blonde?
Am I liking the idea of being blonde again because I’m grasping at a time in my past that was super fun?
I’m starting to feel like it’s just a bunch of wanky, angsty over thinking.
Is it giving in, being myself, or protesting a problem I’m the only I can see?
Lets be honest, going blonde again would be fun. Is it really so bad to colour my hair? Is my sense of self so fragile that such a cosmetic change will destroy it? If that’s the case then I have much bigger problems.
There are things we do everyday to create the image that we want others to see. How much of this is our authentic selves is something we can only know, but for those of you who think you are broken or fake or not being true to yourself I ask you this question;
If life is a journey and if we are all constantly learning and improving on ourselves, if we are growing and always seeking to be the kind of person we want to be then every version of ourselves good and bad, successful and failed is real.
Realness comes from knowing the journey and accepting that everyday you are not the person you were the day before. Realness is about having the wisdom to admit that in all things you are an unfinished work of art.
So lets see how things work out. If real is about just being me then even the bad decisions are worth giving a go.