Okay I’ll say it straight up…
Lately I have been finding sex very unsatisfying. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been having a lot of fun and I have been having a lot of sex, probably too much and that could be part of the problem. The less satisfied I feel the more I seek out.
The lack of satisfaction is there whether I cum or not, it’s got nothing to do with finishing off. It’s also not because of my partners. By any standards a lot of the sex I’m having is porn star crazy, so why do I still find it unsatisfying?
I think that the answer lies within me and the reasons why I am hooking up. Right now I feel like I am missing intimacy in my life. To be honest I’d quite happily give up the sex if I could just hang out and watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. What I am missing is the intimacy and you don’t get intimacy, the really good kind, from hook ups. I guess I haven’t really been looking for anything more meaningful because I was enjoying travelling and exploring but now that I am looking back on the past year there are things that I want to be better for 2015.
If I am really honest I’d be happier jerking off, rolling over and going to bed most nights. Since returning to Melbourne a number of people have made offers to hook up. They mistake my disinterest for rejection but it’s not them I don’t want. It’s the sex I’m reluctant to have because I’m simply not going to get what I am looking for from one night stands. That doesn’t mean I think that one night stands or random fun doesn’t have it’s place in my life, I’m just aware of what it is and isn’t going to give me.
As men I think a lot of us use sex to feel closer to people. Aside from the fact that we are mostly horny bastards we use sex to get intimacy. The problem is that when we do this too early we get off and the feeling of attraction subsides hence the culture of random sex without feeling followed by disappointment.
So for this year sex is very much on my agenda and being more mindful of what effect it is having on my mental state. I’ll still be getting off but I have decided to keep it in my pants more often while I look for real connections and fewer one night stands. This year my motto from now on will be “my eyes are up here thanks”.