A new voice for the blog. Meet Humzah.

I’m really pleased today to introduce a new contributor to the blog. Humzah is a young Gay man living in Pakistan. Having Humzah on board adds a new perspective to the blog that many of us have never seen before.

I hope you will welcome him just as much as you have supported me.

Gay Life in Pakistan

Hi,

Humzah
Humzah

I’m from Pakistan and recently asked Shannon if I could write a blog post for his awesome website. It is with his support and encouragement that I’m doing so. Also, I felt it was time to write on the topic for some reason.

Before I start off with this post, let me ask you something- are you a gay person who’s ashamed of being gay because of the society that you live in? Are or were you gay-bashed as a teenager for being ‘different’? Is your orientation something that you feel ashamed of?

The 16 year-old-me would have answered in the affirmative to all these questions. I’d love to tell you otherwise but the truth is that as a teenager I was so ashamed of being gay and my so-called friends didn’t really help. I told them about how I was raped, three times, on three different occasions (at the ages of 6, 7 and 10/11) and they spread that around.

I was gay-bashed and rumors of me being gay went from one city to another- fast. The worst part is/was that I wasn’t even gay- I was still discovering myself. After all that’s what being a teenager’s all about but I was robbed of the liberty of self-exploration by selfish, fake, horrible people who made me uncomfortable but I’d still call them my best friends. Hey, I’m a Sagittarius- we’re a very trusting people

The rape incident(s), according to a psychologist, really messed up with me emotionally and psychologically and I had no support system. My best friend passed away and that was when I decided it was time to shift to Lahore. Here, too, many people were talking about how I wasn’t straight. I wasn’t ashamed of it at this point but I felt that the rumor-mongering really blew my self-esteem to a point where I wasn’t able to embrace or discover who and what I was. I’d call myself bisexual and I still feel that is what I am, to an extent, but I’m happier with men than I was with women/girls.

It was in 2012 when I ditched law school and became a freelance writer (and still am one) and it was at this point when I learned that I was/am the only one who can stand up for myself, accept myself and stand for what I believe in. I read up on Madonna and other gay icons in the hopes of ‘becoming’ them in some way and that’s when it hit me- I’m not them and they’re not me. I’m me.  I’ve always wanted to help people like myself- rape survivors, gay men and women, those who have been wronged in some way or the other- and so, I accepted myself, first, for who I was.

People around me would often say things against gay people and (without telling them that I was gay) I’d support gay people, openly. A lot of them do not say things against gay people anymore. Then, there were those who said “Being gay AND believing in God are two conflicting things. God CONDEMNS gay people. It’s in the Bible and the Quran!” My best friend’s girlfriend was one of them. I also encountered gay people who were uncomfortable with being gay for the same reason. I’m BBM-ing one of them right now!

pakistan_word_map

To those of you who are ashamed or upset about being gay because ‘religion condones homosexuality’, let me tell you something: I believe in God, firmly but I do not pray and yet my life has really improved and taken a turn for the better. Whenever someone brings up religion I always cite paragraphs where God states that no one except for He, Himself has the right to judge mankind. A lot of these people agreed with me and stopped using God or religion as a way to disguise their discomfort with homosexuality.

That’s when it hit me- it’s not their fault! I stopped getting flustered or angry because of them because I finally realized that their beliefs are theirs and they just need to see that a gay man or woman is as human as they are. They’ve been raised to believe that homosexuality is wrong and to judge anyone who drinks, smokes or does anything that society doesn’t agree with.

So, I continued being who and how I was with people and gradually came out to them. I slept around with different people, too, and I enjoyed that part of my life. Gradually, more people found out I was gay and I was surprised to discover that I didn’t feel negatively about that. In fact, I stopped caring about what others thought of me. This isn’t their battle to fight because the only thing other people see is the product of your battle with yourself. In other words, if you’re ashamed of being gay, that’s what will enable others to pick on you.

Now, people know me as someone who doesn’t care about what other people think of me and as someone who’s going to stand up, aggressively, in favor of anyone who is wronged- especially gay people.

Humzah also writes his own blog which you can discover here

If you would like to write or contribute to the blog please email me at

shannon@aussiespacetimetraveller.com