At some point most of us will experience some kind of bitching, and not the good natured ribbing that we get from our friends. It will be the really nasty, behind your back kind of bitching that so many young Gay men seem to view as sport.
I have to admit I have experienced it first hand. At first it’s unpleasant and can be very depressing. Recently a friend of mine suffered the same and expressed his dismay that some people in his circle of friends were speaking about him behind his back and warning people away from him. The guys who were warned off were smart enough to be able to make up their own minds about my friend but it still caused him some pain.
It seems that bitching is so common amongst some circles that it has become entertainment. I had never met anyone who would deliberately go out of their way to make your life miserable until I moved to Sydney where guys who were bored with their own lives decided to make sport out of others.
So what did I say to my friend? How did I survive it myself? How can you survive it?
Bitching like bullying is about the person doing it felling better about themselves. When the person bitching says something about you, it is because it makes them feel better about themselves. When somebody calls you a slut, it’s because they get to feel better about who they are by comparing themselves to you. It has nothing to do with you really being a slut. It’s the cowards way of feeling better about themselves, by putting others down.
Disassociate yourself from the person(s) doing the bitching. Are they really your friends if they are doing it anyway. Life is too short to be surrounded by people who kill your buzz. Move on to more friendly pastures, give time to the people who treat you right and nurture the friendships that are genuine.
Do you really care what these people think of you? Everybody wants to be liked, but I told my friend to think carefully about the people speaking behind his back and whether or not they were genuinely his friends. Mostly they were just hangers on, loose acquaintances who showed up for parties, drank our booze and disappeared. If it’s your friends who are doing it to you well then they don’t deserve your friendship. Remember YOU ARE AMAZING, there are tonnes of people out there who would love to be your friends, don’t suffer fools.
Don’t engage in the bitching. Remember like attracts like. People who engage in this kind of immature behaviour will always be surrounded by drama and others who do the same thing. Don’t engage the bitches with a response, it will only feed there hunger for more validation by putting you down. Just walk away and focus your energy of the people who really matter to you. Look for the best in others and it will bring out the best in yourself. People will be attracted to you because you are amazing and you make the people around you feel amazing.
You know who you are. You know your own story better than anybody else. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad for your journey or your achievements, everybody has their own story and your are fully entitled to create your own.