So it’s inevitable that as the year draws to a close I look back on all that has happened and think about what next year holds. The new years resolutions get reviewed, and I think about all the things that I want to achieve for the new year.
This year has been tough, and the last 3 months have been some of the toughest of my life. But through everything there has always been the dream of what will be even though I often felt this year like the proverbial donkey being led around by a carrot on a stick, always hungry but never quite able to reach the prize.
The frustrations of running a business and dealing with delinquent clients put a serious dint in my normally sunny and positive disposition. This year has been full of very hard lessons in business.
I have had to make quite a few sacrifices this year, the most notable of which has been my social life. As my finances suffered or were diverted in to the business, the first thing that I stopped doing was going out. It’s hard to date or meet new people when you are under financial stress. But I hope the sacrifices have been worth it.
The trip to Vietnam was one of the most amazing experiences of my life so far. When things have been tough I remember the Orphans sharing their bunk beds and living on 2 meals a day in the middle of some of the poorest parts of Ho Chi Minh city, and I remember how lucky I am. Travelling the Mekong Delta, visiting Hoi An, and conquering my fear and crawling through the Chu Chi Tunnels was something that I never saw myself doing. I have to admit that travelling alone made me very nervous too, especially in a country like Vietnam. But growth always happens on the edge of our comfort zone and I would not change any of those experiences for anything.
I struggled this year with my creativity and my work. After getting persistent knock backs I began to seriously doubt my ability. I began to question every image I took. But the end of the year has been really exciting and whilst there has been financial frustration, the opportunities have been very real and very positive. I am already looking forward to work in 2013 and what the year might bring. I have been branching out in to different fields and the result is that I now have a broad body of work and experience.
My love life this year has been on hold while I work towards making some kind of business and future for myself. Although I see this future with somebody amazing I have very quickly realised that I would make a really rotten boyfriend at the moment. I am totally focussed on myself and what I want and I have also realised that I am not a monogamous person. Not now anyway. I am enjoying being responsible for myself and to be honest the old saying “we accept the love we think we deserve” has been true of my 2012. I don’t feel like I have much to offer at the moment. My career is just beginning, I am feeling selfish and my means are very limited. Learning to love myself more it seems will be on the agenda for 2013.
Despite the bumps this year has been a year of extraordinary growth for me. Desire and ambition have been fuelled like never before and there are so many ideas in my mind right now that I am ready to explode on to the stage next year. I will be working hard right from the start, finishing work, chasing up new leads and confirming work booked last year. I will be looking for openings to shoot films, working in car workshops, shooting live performances, getting a deeper sense of how to shoot fashion and exploring more uses for lighting all in preparation for something in 2013 that could potentially change my whole career path. And even if things don’t go according to plan thats ok, because as I look back very little of this year went to plan either, and I am still here. Still soldiering on, still working towards my dreams. I have been travelling this year with work, getting recognition for my progress and improvement and steadily building more and more work. I am happy with the improvements in my skills and ability and although the balance of this year has been slightly out the rewards will be there very soon.
So it’s good bye to 2012 and a warm welcome to 2013. Let the games continue!