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Gay 101. So you’re crushing on your best mate. What now? Do you tell them?

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The best friends relationship is a hard one to negotiate and unrequited love is tough to deal with any way that you look at it,

but if you have your heart set on telling him then there are few things that I would suggest you think about first.

If he is Gay it’s a little easier but you still need to make sure that you treat your friend with respect. One of the hardest things about telling your best friend that you are keen on him is that you risk causing tension in the friendship if he does not feel the same way. Telling them that you are crushing on them and expecting them to burst in to tears and fall in to your arms is not always realistic.

I have found that some of the strongest relationships I have had and come across are the ones that are based in a strong friendship, but this doesn’t mean that all friendships can become relationships.

Be gentle about your approach. Getting drunk at a party and jumping on top of them in the bathroom might work if you just want a fuck buddy but if you want to really see if your friendship could develop in to something more, then a gentle approach is better.

I would find a quiet time when you are both alone together. Somewhere that is not too public or where there could be any embarrassment for either of you. Serenading him in front of his friends might seem romantic but could leave him feeling a little embarrassed if he has no idea what is coming. What you say is up to you but the best thing is to be honest and not place expectations on him. Don’t make him feel pressured to respond straight away. Something like “you don’t have to respond now, but I just want you to know that I have feelings for you and that I think you’re amazing” works for me.

If he is straight then you are playing a whole different ball game. There are a lot of things to consider before answering.

The first question is does he know you are gay? It’s important because coming out and telling him you are in to him will be a lot for him to process at the same time. Even if he is Gay friendly it will come as a surprise.

If he knows that you are Gay then I would suggest that you approach it with caution and understanding. You are not going to convert him. The fantasy of the straight mate falling in love with his Gay friend is not likely. Respect his sexuality in the same way that you would expect him to respect yours. Don’t get drunk and jump on him at a party.

Again if you really want to tell him then find a quiet place away from his friends and be honest with him. Don’t ask him to like you too or put pressure on him to talk about his feelings just yet. There will be time for that later hopefully after he has processed what you have told him.

Finally you need to ask yourself “is this the real thing, and am I prepared to risk my friendship?”

It’s tough but sometimes we just need to be realistic. It may very well be that your friend has no interest in more than just a friendship. You should be prepared for this. If you decide that it’s not worth risking your friendship for then you need to accept that you may need to swoon in silence. It might be that this person is simply not for you. It’s a hard truth to accept but sometimes the best thing for someone you love is not always you.

There is no right or wrong answer to this. Love often requires a leap of faith. Sometimes we just need to put our heart on the line and risk ourselves. The thing to remember is that no matter what your friends reaction is and no matter what the result is, you deserve to be loved and if things don’t work out the way you hope remember that this is only the beginning.

The Universe never close doors on us, it just keeps us free for something even more amazing.

Happiness, abundance and infinite love to you my friend.

 

  • http://twitter.com/MGUncensored Bernard Haasbroek

    Hi Shannon, a while back – you helped me via email with this very problem… People should just keep in mind things can get very very very complicated. My best friend was also my college room-mate at the time and decided to room again with me even after I told him I am gay.
    For three years he maintained that he was straight and our friendship has ended in no small part because he is convinced I still have romantic feelings for him. We haven’t spoken in months. That is until he sent me a FB message telling me he’s coming out, but that he just isn’t interested in me…
    My point? Don’t eat where you poop i.e. keep friendships and relationships separate.

  • http://twitter.com/mpfefz Matt Pfeffer

    This happened with my best friend, who is now married with a kid, to a woman of course. He didn’t realise I was gay, hugged me and told me he liked girls too much to be gay lol. We’d always cuddled and spooned like it was normal previous to me telling him. I was obsessed with him and he played along with it, grabbing my head whilse I got on my knees and pretended to blow him, stuff like that, just made like a game out of it. I couldn’t have asked for anything more from him and most of all, he didn’t change his view on me. I think he liked the attention and was just mature enough to not see me as a threat whatsoever. I have such respect for him, even five years later.