Gay 101. How to be a better Top.

No matter how awesome we think we are in bed, most of us could always afford to add some new tricks to our bag.

I have met guys who were amazing and guys who were just plain awful. The differences between them were not as great as you might think.

As a versatile boy I get the best of both worlds and I want to share with you some of the tips that I have picked up during my shannonigans.

Contrary to popular opinion I find it is your brain and not a rock hard dick that is your best tool for being an awesome Top.

To be a better Top there are a few things that I think you should know first.

Anal sex can hurt. I sometimes think that the best Tops are guys who also Bottom because empathy always makes a better lover. The biggest problem most Tops have is that they don’t pay attention to their partner. They start the joust at full gallop. If you are going to Top remember that if you injure your partner before you even get started nobody is going to have a good time.

3 things will help you get started.

Fingers and tongues.

They go everywhere with you and are a great way to get your Bottom going. Gently rubbing with the pads of your fingers or licking around the anus ( called rimming ) feels awesome and you will notice when they relax and the tension eases. It’s at this point that you can be a little more forceful butt.. don’t just shove it in up to the knuckles and remember fingernails hurt. Sucking and biting is incredibly uncomfortable and huge no no too.

LUBE LUBE LUBE. I mean seriously guys. What are you thinking!

Silicon, water based, spit… it doesn’t matter. USE IT.

Take it easy at the start.

The worst thing you can do is just jam it in. Unless your Bottom is like a freeway on ramp a slow start is best. I find the best way to start is is to slowly slide it in (with plenty of lube ). Don’t get creative yet. Just watch and listen to their reaction. It gives them time to relax. It’s at this point that I have learned it’s better to grind rather than fuck. It’s the “in and out” that can be painful in the beginning but grinding slow is hot, passionate and a great way to start.

As the heat increases your instincts should take over. I don’t really need to explain what to do next but here are a couple of things to avoid in general.

Pulling out completely and punching back in looks great in porn but in reality can feel more like getting stabbed than pleasurable. Try to avoid it unless your bottom indicates that it’s okay.

Jack hammering away like a rabbit in order to reach the finish line as soon as possible is bad form. Vary the speed and tempo, tease and build. Thats the way to do it.

Don’t blow and go. Don’t be selfish. I’ve met plenty of Tops who are only interested in getting themselves off ( Hmm does that sound bad? *grins ). Make sure your partner gets off too. If you’re good you can time it so you get off together.

Once things get going here are a few more tips that I have found make a big difference for me.

Mix up your positions.

Remember if your Bottom is going off then your going to have a much better time too. Move around, see what works and what makes it fun for both of you. Don’t be a star fish.

Don’t be afraid to make some noise.

Grunting, groaning, calling out his name and a little dirty talk are all great ways of letting him know you like something. Letting him know you like it, has the added bonus of encouraging him to do it more.

Get handy.

The beast with two backs also has 2 mouths, four nipples, four arms and four legs. Not to mention any number of “spots”. Use them. biting and moaning in his ear as you thrust, licking his neck and gently pulling his hair as you hammer him in to the mattress and jerking him off as you fuck are a few suggestions.

Watch your size.

For those of you who are bigger than average, going balls deep might not be the most comfortable act for your partner. Use common sense .

Play safe.

Some Tops I have met have had the crazy idea that it’s the bottoms job to bring a condom. Everybody is responsible for safe sex. A rubber and a lube sachet in your back pocket is your best friend.

Sex is messy, sticky and there are no real hard and fast rules but if you want to up your game the easiest way to do it is to pay attention to what works and doesn’t work for your partner. Increasing their enjoyment will increase yours as well.

Happy fucking.

X

 

 

  • Mihael

    Awesome.. As a totally vers guy myself – I totally agree…

    I also think these so called ‘Macho Top Only’ guys should touch their toes just once to understand exactly what goes on down there..

    Thanks Shannon :)
    M.

  • Joe

    I totally agree! I like fucking slow and sensual instead of fast — and I am a better top since I’m also a bottom ;-)

  • Mario

    Shannon does this mean you’re amazing in bed? :P

  • tyrus

    I agree with everything except for the part about timing it so we both get off together. That’s fun every once and a while, but more often than not I prefer not to. I can get as much joy out of my partner’s orgasm as he does just by being there for him, being fully aware, listening to the noises he makes, taking notice of the way his body contorts and his muscles spasm. That’s just as hot as anything, and he can do the same for me as well, but we can’t do any of that if we’re both cumming at the same time.

  • Schoolboy Twink

    Good advice, now i wish i could have u in my bed

  • SteveMN

    How to be a better top?

    Simple – don’t be a greedy bastard.

    Have some consideration for your partner’s needs and feelings. And if you get off, make sure he gets off, or more accurately, make sure you get him off.

    The game should end in a tie … if you know what I mean.

  • SteveMN

    If you are bringing someone back to your place, be like a boy scout – Be Prepared.

    It wouldn’t hurt to have a stash of small hand towels close by, and I mean very close by. Sex is messy, as Shannon said, and when you are done, it is nice to be able to clean up a bit. If not cloth towels then a stash of strong paper towels.

    And on the subject of cleaning up, here is a trick I’ve found. I mix some alcohol with a bit of aloe or lub, just enough to make it the consistency of thin syrup. The reason, when the alcohol is thicker, it doesn’t run between your fingers, and is less messy. You can even add a couple of drops of general non-toxic cleaner. Though a couple of drop is more than enough.

    I like to use GIN. Though if you want high strength you could use some Bacardi 151 (151 proof, 75,5%), or Ever Clear, (190 proof grain alcohol) and if you want, add a few ounces of Gin to it, because the Gin has a nice smell and taste. You can even add some lemon flavoring from the Baking area of the grocery store. Keep in mind most flavorings like this are mostly alcohol.

    You can even use common Hand Sanitizer as it is mostly Ethel alcohol, but it has perfume in it to make it taste bitter. But bitter or not, it is non-toxic when used in the amounts we are talking about. But because of the perfume, it is definitely bitter.

    So even if you’ve used a condom, you can still clean you nether regions as well as hands with this alcohol.

    I also keep a small spray bottle with Alcohol, again typically Gin, this can also be used to spray areas you want to clean including your mouth. Because it is a fine mist, it is not likely to run all over the place.

    In my case, I had a bed with a bookcase headboard, and a small bottle of Gel Alcohol, a spray bottle of gin, and an assortment of ‘tea’ towels fit nicely, and were very handy.

    Like it or not, whether top or bottom, sex like this is not the most sanitary of activities, and it certainly helps everyone if you are prepared for immediate clean up. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to get a Hepatitis vaccination. Highly recommended for all gay boys.

    Remember, you don’t want to trade a lifetime for just one moment.

    Have Fun, Play Safe, Be Prepared … no really … be prepared.

  • http://twitter.com/Frostoasties Shaune Frost

    Strangely enough the best top I’ve ever had was actually a bottom…

  • Terry

    I’ve bottomed a few times but mostly I’ve topped. Had no complaints either and before my ex I wasn’t that good of a top, but I had a guy that would communicate with me and tell me what would work and what wouldn’t. That made our sex life BONKERS (in a good way of course)

    It’s about being sensitive to your bottom. I hate the whole “Macho Top” that wants to “beat it up”