Gay 101. So you wanna have a threesome, how do you tell your boyfriend, and could it damage your relationship?

There are very few of us who have not at least thought about a threesome or a moresome at some point. The idea of group sex not only makes us horny but also curious.

Threesomes and group sex can be awesome fun, but how do we raise the subject with our boyfriend or significant other?

Sometimes couples will introduce a guest star to spice things up, but they can also be extremely hard to navigate. Threesomes for boyfriends can be a mine field of insecurities and hurt feelings if you do not pay very close attention to the needs and feelings of your partner.

Raising the topic can be the easiest part. Casual conversation about sexual encounters prior to your relationship may give you an idea of just how adventurous your partner is. Do they believe in exclusivity? Have they had a 3sm before? Did they enjoy it? Raising it in a casual manner is much better than simply blurting out ” I wanna watch you fuck that guy”, for the time being anyway ;)

Once you have gauged your partners reaction and assuming they appear to be keen then you can try gently suggesting that you would be keen as well. Ask if there is anyone they think would make a good candidate.

You will notice that I am advising you to focus on your partner and not yourself at this point.

Simply walking up and saying “I wanna fuck that guy while you watch” has the potential to leave your partner saying “WTF you selfish prick”. Nor are we trying to manipulate them in to saying yes. The point is to make sure that your partner does not feel like they are being forced in to it or that their feelings are being ignored. Remember, they are supposed to be the most important person to you, not your third player.

One of the most difficult things about a threesome is finding a player that both you and your partner are attracted to. Generally we are all attracted to different things and making sure that your bf is enjoying himself as much as you are is important. Make sure that you listen to him and what he wants.

There are no hard and fast rules for 3sms. Mostly I have found that my bf’s have not really been very open to the idea and when I have been the guest star it is usually because the couples I met have had open relationships or have negotiated rules on how they will play.

Rules are important, but more important is sticking to them.

Setting boundaries for your threesomes like “no friends”, “no catch ups”, “no sleepovers” etc. will help a lot as both of you will be able to know what the other expects from them as far as conduct is concerned. Most bf’s will be at least a little insecure at the thought of a threesome because they will wonder why you feel the need to be with somebody else. Playing by the rules is important in helping to make sure that you both treat each other with respect.

Could it damage your relationship?

The simple answer is of course it could.

If you are thinking about threesomes or group sex with your boyfriend then you have some very important questions to answer first.

- Why do I feel that I need to be with other people? Is it because I am not happy with my relationship?

If you are unhappy with your relationship then no amount of group sex is going to change that. There are plenty of guys who use 3sm’s with their boyfriends as a way to play around without having to break up or confront the fact that they no longer want to be with their partner.

- Is there something I need that I am not getting from my partner? Could better communication help us rather than sex with other people?

Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. If your partner is not satisfying you sexually or if there are things that you want to “try” then speak to your partner. Sometimes a little discussion and a little practice can not only be fun but also a bonding moment that strengthens your relationship.

- Am I using this as an excuse to “cheat” with out feeling guilty?

So there are other guys you want to sex with. If you’re a Gay man then chances are that there are ALOT of other guys you want to have sex with but making a commitment to your partner can be far more rewarding in the long run that a string or random sexual partners. If you are not satisfied with your current relationship then Man up and end it, don’t use 3sm’s as a “safe” way of sleeping around.

- If my partner says “no” will I be able to respect that? If not then why?

There is every possibility that your boyfriend will say no thanks. If they do then will you be able to commit to that and say “okay”? If not then chances are that you are either going to pressure them in to it or end up cheating. Think long and hard about what you want more… group sex or your boyfriend?

There are no hard and fast rules on how you raise the topic of threesomes with your boyfriend. The key to any good relationship though is to listen. Make sure you pay close attention to your partners feelings and don’t let your penis get in the way of treating your partner with the respect they deserve.

 

  • woteva

    Hmmmph. How’d you get so sensible!? Usually people have to totally fuck up every decision they’ve ever made, to grow such a thoughtful head on their shoulders.

    • Shannon Boh

      Trust me, I’ve made plenty of fucked up decisions.

  • kevinboi

    Thank you for this! :-)

  • Coop

    I’m ashamed of myself for thinking of 3-way combinations. To each their own but not the way I live my life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/garthstokes Garth Adam Stokes

    At the top of the list after you and your partner have decided to play is make sure it is safe sex. Wrap it up boys. Have fun, my lover, our boy toy and I did. ;P

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  • Chris Cherry

    Difficult one but group activities are fun, introducing a fuck buddy into a relationship means you have to be sure not to ignore the one you love while still getting the threesome kicks, so in our case the fuck buddy goes in the middle when its time to fuck! Scking rimming and kissing, well, just go for it and swallow

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  • Kodi_Wuff

    So, I find myself in this same situation but as the other hald. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 consecutive years from age 18-22 (he is a little over a year younger than I) and had a great relationship. Sex life got a little dry, I take my part of responsibility for that as I had little to no adventuristic experiences or strong desire to do so. Hell even porn is something I couldn’t get into (still can’t really) and I would take any sexual curiosity of his very harshly at that point. One thing led to another and we split up, which sent us both on our own separate paths. He ended up moving to Florida later that summer and It killed me to hear what and where he was going and who he was doing it with. Typical heartbreak young stupid jealousy. We swayed back and forth on keeping in touch with each other but never for good. As of a few months ago, he decided he was coming back home. Which lead to us reconnecting on a more sensual level than wed been. So we get to talking and the fantasies came up. Again, I’ve never explored my sexual side all that much but had become slightly more open. Turns out he’s been quite the adventurous one himself. The friends he had down there were very very open sexually and my boyfriend shared a lot of new experiences with them. Things I’d never have guessed that boy of mine would be into. Now, here we are. Back together and he’s back home and I have learned a lot about what he likes now and what he has experienced sexually. Which to be quite honest I’ve been very open to and have explored a lot of new things with him (Toys, Cock Rings, Porn and hell even Started using an anal douche for him) Then, he starts to talk about how he wishes we could’ve added a third to our sex life every now and again when we were younger and slowly got into details of his deep fantasy desire to have a threesome with me. I have played with the idea but have communicated my hesitations on the matter which he is fine with. Saying its just a fantasy and he doesn’t want to do it frequently and most certainly doesn’t want to upset me. Just something he thinks could be fun, so I don’t feel any pressure from him. But now, I’ve had time to spend with him physically and a little time to talk about it. I had a lot of insecurities about it at first but have found myself thinking more seriously about it and I think I want to possibly give it a shot but I’m so hesitant on telling him let’s try and want some advice from people who’ve been here before of been him before.