Gay 101. So you wanna have a threesome, how do you tell your boyfriend, and could it damage your relationship?

There are very few of us who have not at least thought about a threesome or a moresome at some point. The idea of group sex not only makes us horny but also curious.

Threesomes and group sex can be awesome fun, but how do we raise the subject with our boyfriend or significant other?

Sometimes couples will introduce a guest star to spice things up, but they can also be extremely hard to navigate. Threesomes for boyfriends can be a mine field of insecurities and hurt feelings if you do not pay very close attention to the needs and feelings of your partner.

Raising the topic can be the easiest part. Casual conversation about sexual encounters prior to your relationship may give you an idea of just how adventurous your partner is. Do they believe in exclusivity? Have they had a 3sm before? Did they enjoy it? Raising it in a casual manner is much better than simply blurting out ” I wanna watch you fuck that guy”, for the time being anyway 😉

Once you have gauged your partners reaction and assuming they appear to be keen then you can try gently suggesting that you would be keen as well. Ask if there is anyone they think would make a good candidate.

You will notice that I am advising you to focus on your partner and not yourself at this point.

Simply walking up and saying “I wanna fuck that guy while you watch” has the potential to leave your partner saying “WTF you selfish prick”. Nor are we trying to manipulate them in to saying yes. The point is to make sure that your partner does not feel like they are being forced in to it or that their feelings are being ignored. Remember, they are supposed to be the most important person to you, not your third player.

One of the most difficult things about a threesome is finding a player that both you and your partner are attracted to. Generally we are all attracted to different things and making sure that your bf is enjoying himself as much as you are is important. Make sure that you listen to him and what he wants.

There are no hard and fast rules for 3sms. Mostly I have found that my bf’s have not really been very open to the idea and when I have been the guest star it is usually because the couples I met have had open relationships or have negotiated rules on how they will play.

Rules are important, but more important is sticking to them.

Setting boundaries for your threesomes like “no friends”, “no catch ups”, “no sleepovers” etc. will help a lot as both of you will be able to know what the other expects from them as far as conduct is concerned. Most bf’s will be at least a little insecure at the thought of a threesome because they will wonder why you feel the need to be with somebody else. Playing by the rules is important in helping to make sure that you both treat each other with respect.

Could it damage your relationship?

The simple answer is of course it could.

If you are thinking about threesomes or group sex with your boyfriend then you have some very important questions to answer first.

– Why do I feel that I need to be with other people? Is it because I am not happy with my relationship?

If you are unhappy with your relationship then no amount of group sex is going to change that. There are plenty of guys who use 3sm’s with their boyfriends as a way to play around without having to break up or confront the fact that they no longer want to be with their partner.

– Is there something I need that I am not getting from my partner? Could better communication help us rather than sex with other people?

Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. If your partner is not satisfying you sexually or if there are things that you want to “try” then speak to your partner. Sometimes a little discussion and a little practice can not only be fun but also a bonding moment that strengthens your relationship.

– Am I using this as an excuse to “cheat” with out feeling guilty?

So there are other guys you want to sex with. If you’re a Gay man then chances are that there are ALOT of other guys you want to have sex with but making a commitment to your partner can be far more rewarding in the long run that a string or random sexual partners. If you are not satisfied with your current relationship then Man up and end it, don’t use 3sm’s as a “safe” way of sleeping around.

– If my partner says “no” will I be able to respect that? If not then why?

There is every possibility that your boyfriend will say no thanks. If they do then will you be able to commit to that and say “okay”? If not then chances are that you are either going to pressure them in to it or end up cheating. Think long and hard about what you want more… group sex or your boyfriend?

There are no hard and fast rules on how you raise the topic of threesomes with your boyfriend. The key to any good relationship though is to listen. Make sure you pay close attention to your partners feelings and don’t let your penis get in the way of treating your partner with the respect they deserve.

 

11 thoughts on “Gay 101. So you wanna have a threesome, how do you tell your boyfriend, and could it damage your relationship?

  • August 30, 2012 at 8:40 am
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    Hmmmph. How’d you get so sensible!? Usually people have to totally fuck up every decision they’ve ever made, to grow such a thoughtful head on their shoulders.

    Reply
    • August 30, 2012 at 3:00 pm
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      Trust me, I’ve made plenty of fucked up decisions.

      Reply
  • August 31, 2012 at 12:54 am
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    Thank you for this! 🙂

    Reply
  • September 1, 2012 at 4:13 am
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    I’m ashamed of myself for thinking of 3-way combinations. To each their own but not the way I live my life.

    Reply
  • September 8, 2012 at 5:27 am
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    At the top of the list after you and your partner have decided to play is make sure it is safe sex. Wrap it up boys. Have fun, my lover, our boy toy and I did. ;P

    Reply
  • Pingback:Gay 101. Can fuck buddies and relationships go together. | Aussie Space Time Traveller

  • December 7, 2012 at 10:43 am
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    Difficult one but group activities are fun, introducing a fuck buddy into a relationship means you have to be sure not to ignore the one you love while still getting the threesome kicks, so in our case the fuck buddy goes in the middle when its time to fuck! Scking rimming and kissing, well, just go for it and swallow

    Reply
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  • September 2, 2014 at 9:45 am
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    So, I find myself in this same situation but as the other hald. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 consecutive years from age 18-22 (he is a little over a year younger than I) and had a great relationship. Sex life got a little dry, I take my part of responsibility for that as I had little to no adventuristic experiences or strong desire to do so. Hell even porn is something I couldn’t get into (still can’t really) and I would take any sexual curiosity of his very harshly at that point. One thing led to another and we split up, which sent us both on our own separate paths. He ended up moving to Florida later that summer and It killed me to hear what and where he was going and who he was doing it with. Typical heartbreak young stupid jealousy. We swayed back and forth on keeping in touch with each other but never for good. As of a few months ago, he decided he was coming back home. Which lead to us reconnecting on a more sensual level than wed been. So we get to talking and the fantasies came up. Again, I’ve never explored my sexual side all that much but had become slightly more open. Turns out he’s been quite the adventurous one himself. The friends he had down there were very very open sexually and my boyfriend shared a lot of new experiences with them. Things I’d never have guessed that boy of mine would be into. Now, here we are. Back together and he’s back home and I have learned a lot about what he likes now and what he has experienced sexually. Which to be quite honest I’ve been very open to and have explored a lot of new things with him (Toys, Cock Rings, Porn and hell even Started using an anal douche for him) Then, he starts to talk about how he wishes we could’ve added a third to our sex life every now and again when we were younger and slowly got into details of his deep fantasy desire to have a threesome with me. I have played with the idea but have communicated my hesitations on the matter which he is fine with. Saying its just a fantasy and he doesn’t want to do it frequently and most certainly doesn’t want to upset me. Just something he thinks could be fun, so I don’t feel any pressure from him. But now, I’ve had time to spend with him physically and a little time to talk about it. I had a lot of insecurities about it at first but have found myself thinking more seriously about it and I think I want to possibly give it a shot but I’m so hesitant on telling him let’s try and want some advice from people who’ve been here before of been him before.

    Reply
  • February 27, 2015 at 12:24 am
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    I’m kinda scared to open up about threesome, i mean, im in an exclusive relationship and i have taught my boyfriend to grow up and stopped partying, and I love my boyfriend to pieces, but he’s more bottom and i hav
    Needs to, you know 😕. We made plans of moving in together in the summer, cause he told me it gets so lonely without me. And that his bed’s too cold without me hehe. My boyfriend is faithful to me I know cause he does everything for me. I am faithful to my
    Boyfriend too Just so you know. And his friends tell me he is indeed faithful. But lately I have been having raging hormones and Now that he’s committed and faithful to me , I was thinking of having a threesome, or prolly i’ll wait til he was drunk, and then open up about it. Cause when my boyfriend is drunk, he gets honest and tactless haHah. He told me he had a fuck buddy before he (my boyfriend ) met me, and they had fun for most of the summer of 2014. and his fuck buddy lives just a few houses away. And the guy drives a truck and is kinda cute but heavily
    Tattoed and a molly user . Maybe I should just forget my fantasy of having a threesome,what do you think? I am turned off by the fact that the potential third wheel is a drug addict.

    Reply
  • June 30, 2015 at 3:43 am
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    I have been with my partner for 15 years. We are both in our mid 40s and yes we have been monogamous for all these years. We fuck bare and do not want to risk bringing in any STD’S so monogamy is a must and something we agreed on many years ago.

    The subject of 3 some’s came up a year ago after some opportunities came up in the previous year. The opportunities always happened while we were on vacation; we never accepted the opportunities because we both knew that it would have been a bad idea because we never discussed it beforehand. It became a subject that needed to be discussed and we both knew this. We both have wanted to sleep with other men but not on our own but together. We set some rules and discussed what we wanted in sex with another man or couple. I find that it’s very important to understand what the other is expecting and I wanted to explain what I wanted out of it. By doing this it prepared us for what to expect and also help make sure everyone gets what they want out if it when it happens.

    We decided not to rush this and see what happens; we placed an ad on Craig’s list that turned out to be a mistake, we did meet two guys through Craig’s list and they both lied about themselves. Lied about their stats and sent pictures that were not even of them. After two encounters like this that were very disappointing we decided that a Skype call was mandatory, when we asked that from the person responding to our Craig’s list listing they become silent and never be heard from again. So lesson learned, Craig’s list is pretty much crap for meeting people for sex.

    We tried Squirt, Xtube and Grinder with mixed results. Again the Skype rule weeded out the phonies but nothing interesting came up or they did not respond to our conditions’. I have been on xtube for many years and have posted videos of us fucking, we get a kick out of that and how people respond to our fucking. I changed my profile to include that we were open to a threesome and listed our expectations in the 3rd man. Many responded but most were somewhere in the world far away from home. One person from our city did respond. His profile contained no videos or pictures. I asked that he post something and he did. He pleased us physically and was Latin, a big turn on for me. He posted many more videos so we knew that the guy we were chatting with was really who he was claiming to be.

    We chatted and discussed a fuck date, we wanted to sit have a beer and size each other out before moving on to sex. Our fuck friend only wanted oral from us no fucking, he was more interested in watching us fuck bare, a fantasy of his.
    There was no way he was fucking us bare and that was made clear and agreed on. When we did meet, we had a few beers and we both ended up getting royally pounded by this hot Latin man with a tick cock. He even had a orgasm with each of us. We were both very please and want to do this again with him; he also enjoyed himself and wanted to do it again.

    Now the next step I guess is how to manage a fuck buddy in a couple? If we want to keep this person on the side for when we want some threesome fun we need to set the rules. The third person also needs to know the rules for this all to work. But then there is always a risk when emotions are involved. You have to be very comfortable in your couple for anything like this to work. After 15 years I have 100% confidence in my husband, the same from my husband towards me. As long as communication is open and we speak when something feels wrong I think this can work.

    Reply

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