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Enjoying sex doesn’t make you a whore, just like being a Virgin doesn’t make you a saint.

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I wrote last week about how I see many young people approach sex with a do or die attitude. Some see sleeping “around” as a sure sign of a “player” or a “slut” but does enjoying sex and having a good time really make you any of these things.

For many young people, sex seems to be something that polarises opinion. Talk to people on the scene and you will find that most will lean towards two ends of the scale when it comes to sex. There are those who abstain saying that sleeping around makes you cheap and that they would rather have dinner, chocolates and a movie, and then there are those at the other end of the scale who approach sex as something to be enjoyed freely. The reality is that both of these groups are usually on Grindr at some point looking for the same thing.

It is now that we need to make a very important distinction. Enjoying Sex doesn’t mean sleeping around anymore than enjoying Thai food means moving to Thailand. Although somebody who enjoys sex might have a lot of it, you don’t need to have a lot of sex to enjoy it.

Exploring your sexuality in a way that suits you is your right and nobody should be able to tell you how and when you can enjoy your body. Sluttiness is a matter of other peoples opinion of you. Personally I enjoy sex. I like it a lot and so I enjoy it as often as I can, there’s no point being coy about it. Sex is one of life’s most pleasurable experiences and indulging in it in a safe and considerate way is perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody out there, would not be at least a little embarrassed by what they do in the bedroom. So when others try to judge you for having a good time, why should you care?

There are times when being promiscuous can be a problem. There are the obvious health risks and potential partners may find it a turn off, but enjoying sex doesn’t mean sleeping with everybody who flashes you a smile. Enjoying sex is about allowing yourself to let go a little and indulge in your physical needs. It can also be about making an emotional connection with somebody we love and achieving intimacy both physically and mentally. It can be pure animal lust, tender distraction, or an act of love and affection. The best sex I find comes when we give up a little bit of control and just see where the ride takes us. Stop trying to follow the playbook and just play the game.

Quite often our community with is strong focus on sex sends mixed messages. We are constantly bombarded with images of sex, sex parties, bath houses, hook-up sites and porn but there is also a strong message that enjoying sex and “getting around” makes you a slut. It is these directly opposed pressures that make us feel dirty or ashamed and that hold us back sometimes from genuine satisfaction. Enjoy Sex when and how you want it. Play safe and leave your hang ups at the door. Getting tag teamed just means you’re good at multi tasking, It doesn’t make you a whore.

 

 

  • Coop

    This is a good essay, Shannon. Everything in here needs to be said. I think people do what they think they have to do and not what they want to do. Or, to put it another way, they give into peer pressure.
    I can’t be bothered with hook-up sites and bath houses. I’d rather have a boyfriend. But that’s just me.

  • naturgesetz

    You make a good point that one can enjoy sex without having a lot of it. I wonder, though, what you think makes a person a slut if it isn’t promiscuity or “getting around?” Or are you saying there’s no such thing as a slut?

  • SteveMN/bboyminn

    Here’s the thing, a guy that will sleep with a guy that will sleep with anyone, neither of these guys are someone you want to sleep with. There is Discriminating sex, where you at least apply some judgment to your choices, and there is Indiscriminate sex, which means you’ll have sex with anyone anytime with no regard to the consequences.

    One of these is called Living, and the other is called Dying by self-destruction.

    Certainly, live your life and enjoy every minute, but live it like it is going to last a long time, live it like you want it to last a long time.

    In short -

    Don’t trade all of your tomorrows for just one night.

  • JG

    I think your analogies in this story are a little off, but your point is valid