In year 12 I came out to my friends as bi and they were extremely supportive. Now I’ve moved away for uni and one of my new friends said he “hates gay people” (most others were disgusted by this). Now I feel like crap and am scared to come out. Thoughts?
The first thing to remember in this kind of situation is that he is the one with the problem not you. People who are homophobic are either ignorant or insecure about their own sexuality and so in order to make themselves feel better about themselves, they feel the need to put others down. Whatever the reason for this persons dislike of Gay people that doesn’t change or reflect who you are. Uni is on of those environments where you are going to begin to discover the wider world and that includes the good and the bad. Your choice is whether you are going to allow other people to choose who you will be, or whether you will choose for yourself.
Suppressing yourself to maintain a friendship that is not based on mutual respect is not desirable.
Life is to short to hang around people who suck the joy out of you and you have already said that this persons opinion is in the minority.
If on the other hand you come out to him and reacts favourably then you will have indication of just how strong your friendship might be. I have had experiences where the people who I thought would have a bad reaction to my coming out have in fact been some of the most tolerant. People can always surprise you. One of my favourite Uncles told me that he had always been raised to believe that Homosexuals were perverts and child abusers. He told me that he knew that this wasn’t true, and that when I came out to him he realised that I was the same person I had always been. He knew the kind of person I was and my being gay didn’t make a difference. He was always a great friend.
The only time I would tell somebody not to come out is if they were in physical danger of violence or abuse. If you feel like this then you should speak to your student association or other relevant authority.
I know it’s a cliche but it’s truth cannot be understated, true friends see the best in us for who we are not who they want us to be. Be yourself and the truly worthwhile friendships will come to you.
Whatever you decide remember that you are powerful, strong, loved and FUCKING AWESOME. Don’t let the haters divert you from the fact that your life is going to be awesome.
Happiness, abundance and infinite love to you my friend.