>Gay 101. Friends with benefits

We have all been there. Many of us will have had a friend who has been more than just a random trick but who has not quite made it to relationship status.

Unless you have been living in a bubble it is likely that at some point you have heard the term “friends with benefits”. Simply put this means, mates that you have casual sex with but with whom the relationship potential is limited to just friendship.

Many young guys who are just beginning to explore don’t want to get tied down to one guy. They want to experience the scene while it is shiny and new to them so the kind of benefits a “friends with benefits” arrangement gives may seem like a good thing.

So why write about it?

The whole friends with benefits situation can be hard to negotiate. Especially when one half of the friendship begins to want something more. The danger of sleeping with your friends is that sex can and often does change the dynamic of a friendship.

So how to we negotiate the murky waters of drunken sex and mixed signals?

The first thing you need to think about if you are going to have this kind of arrangement is whether or not by doing so you may damage your friendship. It’s easy to get drunk and then fall in to bed with a mate but do you really know what the consequences are going to be? Are you prepared to lose a friend over a hook up?

The other time when being friends with benefits can be dangerous is after a break up. I have been there myself. Trying to get over a difficult break up and still sleeping with my Ex. This is a dangerous situation because it stops you from moving on and keeps you emotionally attached. It is especially important after a break up to put some distance between you and even if the sex was amazing the pain you may cause yourself will not be worth it.

It’s ugly to say but sex is treated as a kind of sport in the gay community. Many gay men often treat sex with a sense of playfulness and fun. For some men it is easy to have sex without emotional attachment. We don’t have to be in love with someone to have sex with them.

So how do you make it work?

Like all things take it easy, friends with benefits can be great, and when it works it’s AWESOME.

Be clear in your expectations. 

Remember that this is not a relationship and it is not exclusive. If you start to get clingy or start to act jealous when your friend is with other people then it’s time to re-evaluate things. Not only will your cause strain on your friendship but your friend will become resentful.

Don’t settle for a half relationship. 

You are worth a lot more. If you are in love or crushing don’t settle for friendship sex just to get close to an unrequited love. You deserve someone who will love you in return.

Have fun.

Crazy no strings sex can be fun just make sure you play safe. Like all things in life there is no right or wrong, no black or white. What works for others may not work for you. Enjoy yourself I say and leave your hangups at home.