>Gay 101. Flirting for beginners.

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I have had a couple of questions on formspring about dating and flirting.

Seeing as these are the questions that we have all had to ask at some point it seemed like a good topic for this weeks edition of Gay 101, Flirting for beginners.

The dating scene can be a daunting experience for anybody especially if you have just come out or are getting back on the horse again after a breakup.

Firstly the thing to remember is that most people no matter how experienced or confident they may appear are just as afraid of rejection as you are.

The key with flirting is to be subtle. If you come on too strong you may frighten them off. Flirting is as much about the chase as it is about the sweaty sticky result.

Begin with eye contact. 

Don’t stare. Staring may make the object of your desire feel uncomfortable. Humans are animals and for most animals prolonged direct eye contact is seen as an aggressive stance.

Making eye contact and then looking away whilst keeping an eye out for a return look will help let your beau know you are interested. If your interest is returned then the next thing to do is fire off a smile. You will know if there is electricity pretty quickly.

After your initial contact has been made the next step is speaking to them! Work fast while your confidence is high and while the ice is broken. Your heart will surely be pounding but fortune favors the bold. Forget about the cheesy pick up lines. I find a simple “Hi I’m Shannon, what’s your name?” is enough. When they tell you their name make a point of using it straight away, “So Lucas, are you having a good night?” It will help you remember his name but also show that you are paying attention to him.

If you are on the dance floor and talk is difficult then start by slowly moving in close. Introduce yourself and smile. A brief touch on the hand will get things started. Move in close and let the moment work it’s magic.

Wherever you are conversation is important and there are a couple of things to remember.

Ask questions. 

The best way to show interest is to ask questions. Questions create conversation. Most friendships and connections will be based on some kind of common interest and the quickest way to discover compatibility is to ask. Great topics are travel, sports, music and anything else that you are interested in. You will quickly know whether or not there is a spark.

Avoid talking about yourself all the time. We have all been there. You are out on a date and the guy just won’t stop talking about himself. Don’t be that guy. Your friend will want to know that you are interested in him.

Be real.

Telling the guy you are a Cowboy Astronaut Millionaire might sound like a great idea at the time but in reality you will just look like a douche when he finds out it’s not true. Be honest about who you are. The people worth meeting will be interested in you for who you are.

Body Language.

When you are speaking to your friend keep your pose open and face them. Look them in the eye. Do not fold or cross your arms. This creates a barrier between you. Alternatively if your friend crosses his arms or does not make eye contact with you then it’s time to wrap it up.

If you notice your friend mirroring your stance then thats a sure sign of interest.

A gentle touch on the leg or on the hand will get the electricity going. After that the rest is up to you.  Whether you go for a pash or a gentle kiss, by now you should have struck up some kind of chemistry so it’s time to seize the moment.

Dancing. 

Asking your friend if he wants to dance is a great way to get close. A heaving dance floor and a bit of bump and grind will surely get the fire going. Dancing close, hip to hip will get the blood flowing in all the right places. Your hormones and hopefully his will take over. Watch out for bumping knees. If your rhythm is not so good then be sensible. Banging into your trick and throwing out his groove will leave you dancing alone with yourself after a while.

If your not a dancer then look for a pool table or other suitable bonding activity.

Confidence is an important tool when it comes to flirting. Think of flirting like a muscle. The more you work it out the stronger your mojo will get.

Lastly remember,

Everybody gets rejected. It’s not the end of the world. There are lots of amazing guys out there to meet. Some will be one night stands and some will become great friends. Many will hang around for the thrill of the chase and then disappear and some will be ready to settle down and get married on the first date.

As you negotiate the players and the bunny boilers always remember that everybody else is looking for that special somebody just the same as you are.

As always,


Your going to be amazing. Have fun, play safe and happy hunting.