>what is "it"?


What is that indefinable quality that makes a guy sexy?

Every week I post a new pic of a hottie.

We have all been there. A guy walks past, our heart skips a beat and the air rushes from our lungs. It may be his powerful arms, perky bubble butt, pearly white smile or killer eyes. Whatever “it” is it seems to be different for everybody.

Most people choose a physical attribute, some choose honesty others prefer a sense of humor. The “X” factor varies as much as our taste in guys.

I get asked a lot of questions on dating and how to meet people. The fundamental truth is that we all want to believe that we are desirable. We all go out hoping that people will find us attractive. Many of us go to bars and see a hot guy and then think “but why would he be interested in me?” Well he is probably thinking the same thing.

Some nights I can go out and get hit on like a tennis ball at the U.S. open and other nights I feel invisible.

The X factor as I have found it, is confidence.

Some days I feel confident and others not so much.

Why would you lack confidence? I hear some of you ask. It’s because like everyone else I am human and I worry about rejection, which I get my fair share of.

Confidence is something that comes from within. You can’t buy it and you can’t be given it. When I first started out on the club scene I definitely was not confident. In fact I went out every weekend for 6 weeks before I was even brave enough to talk to somebody. Confidence comes from the realization that you are valuable and worthwhile within yourself. When you can accept yourself, the way you look, your flaws and strengths, and understand that you have something to offer then you begin to have confidence.

Thats not to say that if you accept yourself then “poof” you instantly have confidence. There are many degrees of self acceptance and confidence. It is something that builds over time. Rejection is part of this. Nobody likes to be rejected but as we go through the dating scene we all have successes and rejections.

If you are heading out and want to feel a little more confident try these for a good start.


Your appearance helps your confidence. It sounds superficial but nobody can deny the fact that we feel pretty good after a new haircut or wearing a hot new t shirt when we hit the dance floor. Take pride in your appearance. It’s not just about your looks either. The health benefits of looking after yourself will make you feel energetic and give you the stamina to keep up with your dates 😉

Remember your successes.

When you focus too much on the things that you want your mind begins to create roadblocks. You focus on the reasons why you can’t have it or don’t deserve it. Remember your successes like skills, lovers, and achievements that will help you to create some positive momentum.

Compliment others.

When we act negatively or hang out with negative people we build negativity within ourselves. Gossiping and bitchiness are part of the Gay scene. Don’t get caught up in it. Compliment people and as you build networks and friends your confidence will build.

Look for the best in others and you will bring out the best in yourself.

Above all have fun. Like attracts like, be happy and open minded and people will be attracted to you!