>Honestly

>I did something very silly and hurt someone I was growing to care about. I feel like my heart is adrift. I am finding it very difficult to make sense of myself at the moment. Sometimes I feel merely like an observer, watching myself in disbelief doing things that are not worthy of me.

There are so many conflicting emotions within me right now.

I want someone to love but I’m not ready for a relationship.
I want my independence but I need a safe port in a storm.
I don’t feel like I have enough to offer but I know I deserve to be loved.

In my desperation to be liked and to move on from the events of the last two months I damaged something that could have turned into something really positive and for that I am very sorry. What I forgot is that people will love me for me. I don’t need to present a different face to the world and the people who insist that I do are not the kind of people I need in my life.

Why do I seem to be constantly sabotaging my relationships with people. Am I doing it deliberately to prevent a future pain? Am I doing it because I don’t feel good enough? Do I not love myself as much a I thought I did?

I think the universe is waiting for me to be ready. When I am the right person will come into my life, I will not have to seek them out. It happened in the past and it will happen again. In the meantime I am just beginning to find my path again and I have learnt one more lesson along the way.